MannatSpeak: An Ode to Parents
Remember the times when I was small and made a fuss out of almost anything and everything? Your patience and relentlessness surprises me but also scares me. Can I ever match upto that?
From the wailing, whining and tear streaked face to the time I first laughed and was old enough to put make up on. You’ve seen it all.
You both are the only people who have seen me at my worst and still loved me like im the best.
Come what may, you’re the only constants in my life. No one else can be. Who can find it in themselves to still come back to me even when I stomped out of the room in anger? I fail to comprehend the fact that you held onto me. Exhausted but never gave up.
When everything was going downhill for me, even because of my own mistakes, you were there. When I achieved something or wanted to shy away from the world, you were my buffer.
With you by my side, not a thing could break me, even if it was me on the damaging side.
Nothing deterred you both from taking care of me unconditionally. Even for the times we were indifferent to one another, you never altered your affection. It might have been muted but never gone.
Just like any other normal relationship we’ve had our differences and we still do. For some reason I hope we continue to because sometimes it takes arguments and fights to realise the importance of one another. When the truth comes out there is no longer any pretence. The acceptance of eachother along with the differences is what makes it all the more real.
Im afraid that I’ll never be able to be like you want me too. But I swear I will try to.
You weren’t lenient as parents compared to the world. Instead you were good parents who cared for me and my well being. You loved me enough to bend the rules if not change them completely.
I may differ in opinion but I’m still made of your values. Because of this you might not know the kind of strength I derive from you. I never took for granted the solace in the fact that I had your arms to run into when things spiralled down for me. Irrespective of whose fault it was.
I do not have the heart to tell you that I can be as perfect as you want me to be. Nor do I have the courage to try and be as forgiving and loving as you. The benchmark is just too high.
So, till I find a gesture (big or small)to be able to show you just how much you mean to me. Until then I’ll keep telling you I love you both because words are all I have. They are the only thing I know best.