MannatSpeak | Ma Mère; Mon Ami “My Mother; First a mother, forever a friend.”
There could never be relationship as complex as a mother-daughter one. We know we owe our moms so much. They raised us, for God’s sake if not for them we wouldn’t be here in the first place. Literally. They are the reason we know what we know.
But, at the same time, no one knows how to push our buttons the way our moms do. They know us, inside and out, and they know how to cut to our core with a combination of guilt and annoyance.
As we grow up and slowly figure out who we are, we meet new people and watch others fall out of touch. Our moms are the constants in that journey.
A complex relationship like this can’t stay static over time; it’s ever changing and evolving over the course of our lives.
We’ve all had that phase in life, where we were so fascinated by the magical thing called lipstick that our mother used to color her lips with, that we would sneak it in the washroom behind her back and plot it all over our face. With a failed attempt to not be caught.
Eye shadows, lipsticks, etc are just one minor entry in a long list of lessons that our mothers pass on to us. After all, mothers are our greatest asset in life.
They’ve been through everything we are going and will go through ourselves, and they’ve come out the other side with the advice to prove it.
No matter we did, how dirty we made our clothes, the noise we made or the plates we broke. She would always find it in her heart to forgive.
I wonder how that happens. Is it that they’re built that way or do they really just posses superpowers?
Our mothers take it to be their unsaid duty and responsibility to take care of us, even if we feel we’re old enough. At least for the first decade plus a few years, we wouldn’t know sh*t if it weren’t for our moms and what they taught and gave us. But it’s more than just the food, shelter, money and transportation they provide. It’s about the lessons they are teaching us. Walking, tying our shoes, riding a bike, reading: these are all basic life skills we wouldn’t have learned without our moms.
Come on she gave up her body and life just for you, when she could just easily eradicate your existence. We literally owe them everything.
Even if you don’t really want to hear it or if you know deep down she might be right, you’d never admit it. My mom wouldn’t be too afraid to tell me on my face that the dress I love and bought makes me look like a skeleton. Ouch.
When we’re teens, our hormones are raging inside of us. We’re stuck between wanting to be the child that our mothers took care of, and the independent woman that they, themselves, are.
As a result, we feel like we’re constantly at battle with our moms at this point in our lives.
Why won’t they let us wear what we want? Why won’t they let us hang out with who we want? Why won’t they let us go to those parties and stay out as late as we want?
Their rules are born of their natural worry for our well being, but it doesn’t feel that way. It just feels like unnecessary boundaries, and they’re holding us back from making our own mistakes.
We will think about all those times they discouraged us from doing something, or the advice they gave us when we encountered problems with our friends.
We will try very hard to ignore our moms’ voices, especially that unavoidable and annoying “I told you so” that will come up if something goes awry when we ignore it.
But what is funny is that we also know they are right. And sooner or later we find ourselves giving our friends the same advice that our moms gave to us. Damn old already?
At this age, we’re naturally rebellious. What starts as a set of rules we don’t want to follow become our guiding principles that are always in our heads, whether we want them there or not.
At the end of the roller-coaster ride that this relationship makes us go through we reach a point of maturity and eventually we find some semblance of independence and common ground with our moms over more than just our shared history and familial ties.
Make no mistake, they will still push our buttons. They will still have the power to make us feel like crap, just like any of our other friends. They will still know how to rub salt on our wounds but that does not change the fact that our relationship with our mothers is and would forever be one of the most important relationships we would ever have and the only one which is strong enough to withstand the strong gales of any thunderstorm.